About Me

About me

My name is Nik and I am Mum to two small boys called Sam and Oliver and partner to the long suffering Ali and we are based in Devon, England.

My blog is about my journey though life, the highs, the lows and all the fun and messy bits in-between.

It is a personal blog that is written by me and only features my opinions. I do work on behalf of businesses and companies, writing posts and reviews but I will only give you my honest thoughts, if I love it or hate it I will tell you.

If you would like to get in touch with me or my mini monsters please contact me at
themummymonster1@gmail.com





Saturday 4 August 2018

Boobs!!

 


 
 
 
So apparently this week is National Breast Feeding Week and I have read blog posts from Bloggers alike about how some think breast feeding is best and others are saying fed is best, but I have to say I haven’t read any posts about women who have the best laid plans to breast feed but actually aren’t able too. This is me and I am dam sure I am not alone.

 

When I first discovered I was pregnant, apart from being in love with the idea of having a baby growing inside of me, I was totally amazed about how it had an impact on my body, but never my boobs!! My belly grew, but my boobs didn’t. My feet became swollen but my boobs didn’t. The Midwife was never bothered when I mentioned it to her, she kept saying, it will kick in when required.

 

However after 50 plus hours of traumatic labour, this is the only I can describe my labour, I gave birth to my beautiful little boy. I was completely overwhelmed. I was asked my preference about breast feeding when I entered the labour suite and I was completely in favour of breast feeding. It had never even entered my mind that it wouldn’t happen. So, after his birth, Sam was latched on and he suckled naturally. The Midwife showed me how to put him back on if he became unattached, which I did. It wasn’t easy but I did it with a little bit of help from Ali.

 

I went home in a new Mum bubble and kept attempting to latch my baby, but my goodness he was a grumpy baby. I tried to use a breast pump but nothing arrived. After three days, I was still getting no milk but the health professionals didn’t seem bothered. They said my latch was good but I knew my baby was hungry. I wasn’t leaking, they weren’t sore, they felt like normal non pregnant boobs. Absolutely nothing was coming through.

 

Eventually I called the Children’s Centre and begged for help. A breast feeding support worker was sent out to help me. She was fab, she sat with me and Sam and talked me through breast feeding. She saw Sam latch on but how he would realise that he wasn’t get anything. She asked me to use the breast pump but nothing. Eventually she confirmed my worst nightmare, my boobs had failed me.

 

I felt like the worst mother ever. I had failed my baby, I wasn’t able to do something that my body should have done naturally. My baby was hungry and he was living on nothing. At first, I cried. Ali told me that it wasn’t my fault but there was no way I could believe him. He drove me to Mothercare and I stood completely numb in the carpark. We bumped into some friends who had yet to meet Sam but I felt so low I remember walking away and leaving Sam with Ali. He was being the proud Dad and showing off his baby but I couldn’t watch. I felt so low.

 

We ended up spending a small fortune on bottles, sterilisers, milk etc as I had nothing. I should have been feeding my baby from my own boobs not a bottle.

 

I remember how Sam gagged on the first bottle. He was just so hungry, but it didn’t stay in his tummy for long, he threw it back up, it went everywhere and smell was disgusting. I didn’t blame him for throwing back up.

 

Eventually, he started to slow down on the bottle and realised that they came when he demanded. He was still grumpy but he soon started to fill up his tummy which enabled him to sleep.

 

It took me months to come to terms with the fact that I was bottle feeding my baby. Everyone seemed to ask how the feeding was going and I would have to admit that I was bottle feeding. I still feel guilty whenever health professionals ask if he was breast or bottle fed and I always go on to say “bottle fed as I didn’t get any breast milk” People stare at you when you breast feeding but they also stare at you when you bottle feed.

 

So please remember that bottle feeding may be essential not a choice.

 

When I was pregnant with Oliver, my boobs again stayed the same, so I talked it through with Ali and we decided to see if anything happened during the pregnancy or birth but we would be prepared with bottles of milk in stock and ready to go if not, I vowed to feed my baby.

 

Again with Oliver my boobs failed, I had nothing, no breast milk at all. I have talked to health professionals about it and they couldn't seem to find any reason why I didn’t get any, for me it just didn’t happen.

 

So please if you see someone bottle feeding please don’t think that they are against breast feeding, it might simply be their only choice.

 

Sorry I will stop my ranting now. x
 
 

2 comments:

  1. Really interesting and insightful post - I wasn’t aware it was national breastfeeding week - tricky for those who aren’t able to like you say. I used to work for a parenting service for people with LD and they often used to find it hard to breastfeed and people looked down on them thinking they had chosen not too, not that they weren’t able too. Good reminder that for some it’s not an option.

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  2. Aww I’m so sorry that you had such a bad experience. I had a massive infection when my son was two and a half weeks and had to stop which broke my heart. We started formula but it wasn’t what I wanted and Freddie never gave up searching for the breast. He became constipated with formula which made me feel worse so I did some research and started pumping ridiculously. He’s now 10 Weeks old and I’m back to feeding him 3 times a day as well as formula. Wherever I am whether I’m breastfeeding or bottle feeding people have an opinion on it. I’ve stopped feeling offended by the remarks but it’s quite crap that we have to put up with it. Why do people even need to ask how your feeding your baby?

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